This is how I feel.
I haven't seen him in 10 days. Maybe that's not long, but in the past 10 days I have spoken to him for 3 minutes. 2 of those minutes were nice; the third, however, was full of many tears. I believed myself when I said I was fine, I felt ok...but tonight it really hit me hard. My person that I have shared my thoughts, feelings, fears, concerns with for the past 5 years is away. Away from my grasp, away from my cry... away from me.
I put myself through a horrible experience tonight, I watched a movie about a couple separated due to war. They really love each other, and what happens... First, the man dies... he dies away from the love of his life. Then she dies. Then the thoughts enter my mind. What if.... The love of my life is not at war, thankfully, but the thought of losing him when I have no contact with him is frightening to me. What if something happened to me? I accidentally ran a red light today. That could have been fatal, and then he would have been left without me.
Anyway, these thoughts wouldn't be in my mind if it wasn't for that movie. I am forbidding all war related movies, I can't handle them.
I do remind myself always to keep an eternal perspective. No matter what happens, we will be together forever. It's just sometimes those sad thoughts creep into my mind.
62 more days and I will be in his arms.
2 comments:
You're breaking my heart Jen. Sorry - because I know how much it sucks to be away from the one you love. I know it doesn't make it better - but I love you too, and you and Bill are in my thoughts. If you need some one to whine to - give me a call.
It is a very empty feeling. I can empathize with you completely, and it is something I would never wish on anyone. Such a horrible thing to be alone--even if only for a short while--when you love someone that much.
May God be with you while your husband is away.
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